Earlier today, The Onion decided to post an article about Chris Kluwe, the outspoken punter who was recently released by the Minnesota Vikings. Being an avid internet user, Kluwe decided to troll The Onion by releasing a series of tweets in which he satirically ranted about himself claiming the real Chris Kluwe died of dysentery 25 years ago...
To read the full text of The Onion's article:http://www.theonion.com/articles/chris-kluwe-pens-impassioned-editorial-on-challeng,32342/
The following is the satire written by NFL Punter Chris Kluwe via Twitter
@ChrisWarcraft: Hey @OnionSports, you know I'm perfectly capable of writing biting satire about myself, right? All you have to do is ask :p..... Ok, @OnionSports. Here's how it should have gone. Wall o' text incoming. Also, naughty words. #braceyourselves
-- A day after being cut by the Minnesota Vikings, former punter Chris Kluwe penned an impassioned online screed chastising the entire state of Minnesota for not caring a single whit about his histrionic outbursts on basically anything he felt would make him somewhat relevant in the modern news cycle. "How dare you snot-felching turkeyshits ignore my desperate cries for attention," Kluwe wrote, while smashing together multiple run on sentences about the plight of the not at all endangered American prairie dog. "I swear to raptor Jesus, if my name isn't somewhere in the media or on the front page of Reddit in three fucking seconds, I'm going to light your mother's nipple hairs on fire with her own explosive flatulence." Kluwe then went on another four page rant about the dangers of poorly maintained water heaters, using such ludicrous phrases like "Satan's vomiting crotchsphincter," and "turgid camel cocks," interspersed with punting stats that not one single person gives a solitary fuck about, and frankly, wishes didn't exist. When asked for comment, multiple people who claimed they knew Chris Kluwe said, "Isn't he that whiny dude with the stupid hair?" and, "What the fuck is a punter?" Kluwe's mother reached out to the Onion and told them her son had died of dysentery twenty-five years ago, and whoever claiming to be him now was undoubtedly "some turdgobbling famewhore."
@ChrisWarcraft: **SATIRE OVER. YOU MAY NOW RETURN TO YOUR DAILY INTERNET**
So when Chris Kluwe lost his job... Did he also lose his mind?
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